Building Confidence in Children: Practical Tips for Parents and Teachers

As parents and educators, one of our most important roles is to help children grow in confidence while providing them with the tools to handle life's challenges. It’s about striking the right balance between support, patience, and encouragement. In a recent conversation on the Give N' Grow Podcast, Kamelah Williams, an SEL educator and mentor, shared powerful strategies for nurturing confidence in kids without fostering dependence on external validation. Here are the key takeaways from that discussion:

Watch the podcast here and easily skip to the topics you're most curious about.

1. Patience is Key

Kamelah emphasizes the importance of patience in helping children navigate challenges. “Life is gonna teach them about ‘no,’” she says, highlighting that kids need time to build emotional resilience. Meeting children where they are, rather than expecting immediate change or success, is crucial. She suggests asking open-ended questions when kids misbehave, like, "Why did you do that?" This allows children to explain their actions and helps adults correct misunderstandings in a calm and supportive way.

2. Engage with Questions, Not Just Commands

Instead of immediately correcting behavior, Kamelah recommends asking children questions to better understand their thought process. For example, asking, "What do you think that means?" allows children to reflect on their actions and encourages dialogue. This approach fosters learning and trust, as children feel heard rather than reprimanded.

3. Praise That Builds Confidence

Effective praise doesn’t have to be over-the-top. Simple affirmations like “I’m proud of you” or “You did a great job” can help build confidence. Kamelah explains that it’s also important to challenge children, pushing them to do even better. For example, if a child improves in one subject, encourage them to aim for similar progress in others. This reinforces their potential and encourages growth without relying on constant praise.

4. Embrace Struggles as Growth Opportunities

Children should be taught that struggles are part of the growth process. Kamelah shares how she relates to her students by telling them about her own struggles with confidence. Sharing personal experiences helps children see that they’re not alone in their challenges. This fosters trust and shows them that growth takes time.

5. Set High Expectations and Encourage Independence

Building confidence also means setting high expectations. Kamelah often reminds her students, “I know you can do better,” which encourages them to strive for excellence. It’s about fostering a mindset of continual improvement, even when faced with setbacks. This also encourages kids to rely on their own drive to succeed, rather than needing constant external validation.

6. The Power of Vulnerability

Being open about your own experiences and challenges helps bridge the gap between adults and children. When children see that adults have faced struggles too, they feel more understood and less pressured to be perfect. Kamelah believes that this vulnerability builds trust and helps kids see that they, too, can grow and overcome obstacles.

7. Watch Out for Social Media’s Impact

Social media can have a significant impact on a child’s self-esteem, often promoting unrealistic expectations. Kamelah advises parents to monitor their children's social media use and have open conversations about its impact. Encouraging children to recognize the difference between online personas and real life helps them develop a healthier relationship with social media.

Closing Thoughts

Building confidence in children is not about constant praise or shielding them from failure. It's about creating an environment where they feel supported, challenged, and empowered to grow. By practicing patience, asking thoughtful questions, and setting high expectations, we help children develop the resilience and self-assurance they need to succeed.

As Kamelah says, “It doesn’t take grand gestures. It takes small moments of encouragement and support.” To connect with Kamelah further, you can reach out on LinkedIn!