How to Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids: Social Emotional Learning Tips for Parents and Teachers
- Give N' Grow
- Mar 25
- 4 min read
In today’s fast-paced world, teaching children emotional intelligence is more important than ever. As educators and parents, our role goes beyond academics; it’s about fostering healthy emotional development. Maggie Shaver-Dock, a counselor with over 30 years of experience in schools and supporting families, recently shared insightful advice on how to raise emotionally healthy and resilient children through social emotional learning (SEL). This blog highlights key takeaways from our conversation, offering practical tips for parents and teachers alike.
1. Creating a Safe, Cozy Space for Children
One of the most fundamental ways to support children emotionally is by creating a space where they can reset and decompress.
For parents, it’s important to also model self-care. Maggie suggests that parents ask themselves, “Where do you go when you're frustrated, tired, or scared?” and then teach children to recognize those moments too. By empowering children to ask for their own "cozy" space, they begin to understand that it’s okay to take a break and recharge, much like adults do.
When children have a designated spot to retreat to, they learn to manage their emotions independently, which is essential for long-term emotional resilience.
2. Focus on Positive Behavior Rather Than Negative Attention
Children often act out to seek attention, and it's crucial that we, as caregivers, do not reinforce negative behavior. Maggie references the “Nurtured Heart Approach,” where a parent ignores tantrums and instead reinforces positive actions. As she explains:
“We don’t feed the monster. We don’t give the negative behaviors attention.”
By focusing on strengths and positive actions, you teach children how to manage their behavior. Maggie encourages parents to be specific when giving praise:
“Thank you for the help...I really appreciated the way you gave your sister her coat.”
This not only highlights the positive action but also provides children with a sense of accomplishment and a deeper understanding of their behavior. Saying things like "good job" or "thank you" don't work as well as the more detailed, thoughtful expression of gratitude and praise.
3. Engaging in Meaningful Conversations
A powerful aspect of SEL is how we communicate with children. Instead of making general statements like, “Why can’t you focus?” which suggests an inability, Maggie recommends a more empowering approach:
“In this moment, Jonathan, I need you to be here with me right now. Look at me right now. This is what we need to focus on.”
By making the request clear and specific, you set the child up for success. It also fosters a connection, showing that you’re present and invested in their emotional needs. A key part of this is also the way we address children’s names. Maggie recounts an experience where her son asked her to say his name in a special way, emphasizing the emotional weight that a child’s name can carry:
“He said, ‘Say my name like no one else says it,’ and I realized how important it was for him to hear his name in a positive, non-threatening context.”
This approach helps build a child's self-worth and contributes to their sense of emotional safety.
4. Raising Resilient Children Through Empowerment
Maggie underscores the importance of fostering resilience in children, especially in an era where they face unique challenges. She points out that as parents, we are planting seeds for future growth, and these seeds need consistent care:
“We are handing our children tools to develop roots to grow and wings to fly.”
One key strategy is to provide children with agency. Maggie recalls an example where a child couldn’t do their homework at home but thrived by doing it in the car. By allowing children to find their own solutions, even if unconventional, they feel empowered to take charge of their own learning:
“It’s not about where they do their work, but about giving them the freedom to practice in a space that works for them.”
Creating a learning environment that is flexible and supportive can be as simple as adjusting where children sit or offering comfortable options like pillows and blankets, as Maggie shares from her own experience as a teacher:
“I don’t care where you sit, just sit comfortably. As long as you're engaged, it doesn’t matter to me how you sit.”
5. Community and Collaboration in Raising Healthy Kids
Teaching emotional intelligence is not just the responsibility of parents; it takes a village. Maggie emphasizes how important it is to involve the wider community—teachers, counselors, and other adults—in creating an environment that supports emotional and social development.
She reflects on how powerful it is when educators and parents collaborate on strategies to help children. For example, by introducing concepts like emotional resets and empowerment in both home and school settings, children can experience consistent, supportive environments that encourage them to thrive.
Conclusion: Small Steps Lead to Big Growth
The journey toward raising emotionally healthy children may feel daunting, but small, intentional actions can create lasting impact. By creating safe spaces, focusing on positive behaviors, having meaningful conversations, and empowering children to find solutions, we are planting the seeds for emotional resilience.
Remember, as Maggie wisely says:
“It’s like a garden. Each child has different needs, but when we nurture them, we create a beautiful bounty together.”
As educators and parents, we can create an emotionally rich environment that helps children grow into strong, loving individuals.
Where to Find More Resources: If you're looking for more personalized support, Maggie’s services are available through Psychology Today and other counseling platforms. She also provides coaching for parents and teachers to implement SEL strategies effectively. You can find more details in the descriptions below.
Key Takeaways:
Create a “cozy” space for emotional reset.
Focus on empowering children with praise and positive reinforcement.
Use clear, empowering communication to foster a growth mindset.
Encourage children to find solutions that work for them, whether it's where they do their homework or how they manage emotions.
Collaboration between parents, teachers, and the wider community is essential to supporting a child’s emotional growth.
By implementing these strategies, we can build a foundation for emotionally resilient, mentally healthy children.
Contact Maggie here or use the below!
